Insomnia

I lack sleep. My mom and my dad have been telling me that I have been "idolizing" my sister. My answer... "No, it's just I find difficulty in sleeping.". Have I told you? My parents are requiring me to speak to them in English or else they won't acknowledge my presence. Mean, eh? Haha. It's for my own good, actually. It's just embarrassing to speak in English when you're in public. I don't know... it just doesn't sound right! Anyway, as you have seen my post title, insomnia is what I'm suffering. It's when you want to sleep but you just can't. That's weird, though. Here's a scientific explanation:

Insomnia is a sleeping disorder characterized by persistent difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep despite the opportunity. It is typically followed by functional impairment while awake. Insomniacs have been known to complain about being unable to close their eyes or "rest their mind" for more than a few minutes at a time. Both organic and non-organic insomnia constitute a sleep disorder.

That was courtesy of: Wikipedia.

Anyway, it's currently 2:36 in the morning and the bed is yet to invite me to a deep slumber.

I miss her.

You might probably be wondering who I am referring to. Actually, you might really wonder why I miss her. She's my sister. Carmina "Boknay [slash] Mina" Castillo-Reyes. It doesn't make sense, right? After reading the rest of this, I bet you'd change your mind. Maybe... or maybe not.

This started when she turned college. Of course, my mom wants quality education for her that's why they want her to study in Manila. I think I was Level 6 back then. I can't remember quite much. All I can remember as far as my memory tells me is that... things have changed. I rarely see her, although it's vacation, or weekend, she can't go home because she's too busy to have time for me unlike the previous years when she still finds adequate time to spend with me and our brother although she has tons of stuff to do. We rarely speak now. Sometimes, she's online, and I am too. But, I guess both of us are too busy to speak to each other. I often see that "Busy" status message of hers and it just tells me not to bother her. I admit, I, too, am busy often if I go online on YM because of projects, assignments, long tests, exams and the like.

She went home. In spite of all the commitments she has in her school. From time to time, she goes there. You probably think that things have been better since she got home. You know? NO. A big NO. Now that she's home, could you believe it? We still don't see each other although our rooms are just across each other. That's just overboard. You may ask why... the answer is simple. SHE DOES NOT GO OUT OF HER ROOM. Even to eat, someone brings food to her upstairs. Uh, I guess I can do nothing about it...


...but to miss her. Miss her. Miss her.

It's raining.

The title is... uh? Self-explanatory? Well, it really is raining. Guess what? Pouring REALLY hard. I know what you're thinking subconsciously. It's raining though it's summer time. Scientific explanation, please. All right. Don't you know? or maybe you're just pretending not to know. The world is suffering Global Warming. How uncool is that? I just realized something. Something really important and urgent. Alone in the shower, cold water sprinkling on my face, I thought about... making a step. Taking chances wouldn't hurt, right? What if I start a campaign to take care of nature? That wouldn't cost me much effort having lost of e-mail addresses. Look, forests have been depleting, animals dying, plants drying, seas inhabited. Ordinary people who are uptight may have not noticed this but I know may people out there do, although they refuse to know the sad truth. Worse, some people refuse to respond to the environment. I mean, isn't this too much? Mother Nature has been providing us every necessity we should acquire in order to survive but... what are we doing? Abusing it. Killing it. Is this our way of gratitude? I have been watching late-night television shows lately [that's because I can't sleep] and I have noticed that they have been featuring documentaries about how dirty our environment is. Something inside me tells me that this is just too much already. Someone has got to do something. Some people might think I'm some kind of a stupid person here talking about taking care of Mother Nature... so on and so forth. I'm not doing this for my good only. If only all people has concern for the place we live in, we should have been living peacefully for a long time already. If you have been watching news [any channel, I guess] you should have been hearing lots of crises about food shortage, horrible calamities, etcetera. If you are wondering who's to blame, well, you know... It's US. Nature is just having it's own way of getting even to us for slowly killing it. See what I mean? We are the losers either way around. If only people know how to take care of Mother Earth... it must be a really happy place to live in. I know... sad but true. If we don't make any steps to stop this now, tell me, when? Can all of us afford to lose property, houses, food, or worse... lives? Life must really be harmonious during our past generations' time because people back then know how to value nature. I just wish people now would realize things for everybody's good... One more thing, please, let us support campaigns against Global Warming. Please conserve water and energy. Time will come that there will be no more... completely none. Will we still wait for that to happen? Please, no... no. There's still time, join me. Let us make the world a better place to live in.

It's actually good I let this out. It has really been bothering me for days. *sigh* Good luck to me and to my sincere desire to change the world. I know I've got my family's back on me, and my friends' too. :)

"Big changes come from small people who take the risk." -- Christopher Jan Lina [my classmate last school year] :)

Clarisa Reyes

What Clarisa Reyes Means

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

I was actually browsing through the net when I saw this. I actually liked it! Haha! Is this magic? Actually, this description fits me, PERFECTLY, EXACTLY, PRECISELY. Oh well. I'm too happy to speak. ^_^

Happiness comes in three's.

I am too happy. Haha. Weird, yet, I am. Oh well. Let's have a flashback.

Last Wednesday, April 16, my family and I went to Robinsons. Well, except for my brother, who would always stay at home or play basketball. So, my mom, my dad, my sister and I were together there. Mommy told Daddy to meet us there in the supermarket. Well, before going to the supermarket, we went to different stores first. I was following them all along. The bad thing about this is that I am wearing a skirt and my shoelaces keep on untying themselves! Argh! It was so... freaking annoying! I think my mother sensed that I wasn't really having a good time in the supermarket because she asked my sister to accompany me outside so that I could buy things for myself. Of course, she gave me money. Haha. We went to Astrovision and bought a couple of movies. My sister bought Parent Trap [Yep, the one starring Lindsay Lohan. It's her all-time favorite. WEIRD.] and another one which I didn't bother to look at. As for me, I bought Step Up, a movie about dancing. I hated dancing, though. My friends just keep on bugging me about how good it is. By the way, Step Up 2, it's sequel is out in the movies, now. I bet it's good, too. Watch it. :) I bought Dunston Checks In, too. It's a good family movie. :) After that, we went to another store and I forgot what my sister bought there. After that, we went back to the supermarket. My sister was looking for my parents but couldn't find them. I saw them and walked to them, leaving my sister behind. Haha, mean of me, I know! Hihi. I was just getting even, she refused to treat me a Zagu. :p My friends keep on teasing me of having good eyesight. Haha! =)) After that, I asked my parents if I could buy Zagu and they allowed me. Not only that, but gave me money, too. ^_^ I bought a watermelon-flavored one. That's it. We went home. I had so much fun that day. It has been a long time since I last went to the mall with my parents and my sister.

Last Thursday, it was a HOOOOOOOOOOOT day. Haha. Mataasnakahoy had a power shortage. :( So sad. Anyway, I woke up at 7:43 in the morning but refused to leave bed. It was one of those days I just couldn't leave my pillows and mattresses. I can be lazy too, you know. Haha, we went to the mall [SM] that day too. It was so fun! We bonded, my family and I. It was one of the best days in my life although I didn't show it. ;)

Yesterday, it was a Friday, I woke up late, but dressed too fast and ate too fast. I was too excited to go to Robinsons [Again? I know. :P] because I was meeting my best friend from UP Rural High School in Los Baños. Her name - Mary Grace, Iyay, MG. :p Haha! I missed her. When I last saw her, it was probably June of last year. She's tall now. :P I'm just a few inches taller than her. T.T Haha! Anyway, I missed her dad, too, Tito Danny. All day, we just played IN THE GROOVE in Timezone, DANCE FREAKS and the car racing game. She's still good in ITG even though it has been too long since she last played. I miss the old times when we used to stay there until evening 'cause we can't manage to finish songs without being depleted. Haha! At about 7:30 in the evening, we went to Air Base in Sico [Correct me if I'm wrong.] because her dad would be meeting us there. They brought me home. We ate there and my parents and her dad talked and talked. We never noticed that it was too late already. [They have to go home to Laguna Bay.] Far, right? She gave me application forms to UP so I could take the exam and study there. You know, I passed there last year, I just refused to study there because I was not ready to venture in a new environment just yet. Anyway, I accompanied them outside where they parked their car and I went inside, with a smile painted on my face. :)

The title? Happiness comes in three's. Look, I had three days of overwhelming happiness. I couldn't ask for more. :)

Speechless

As of now, I have been staring at the monitor for way too long. I have nothing to say. My fingers refuse to type. I just read [past tense, just so you're not misguided] my sister's blog. I also came upon the idea of why I'm blogging. Face reality. Why?

Actually, we have the same reason. This is where I put the significant events that happened to me and those that I never want to be erased from my memory. Here goes, I don't trust my memory, too. I guess I'll continue as long as I know this hobby does not affect my duties and responsibilities. So far, this doesn't hinder me that much. I guess I'll be a fellow blogger for long. :)

Loving the thesaurus.

Actually, I love it very much [referring to the THESAURUS]. Today, I learned lots of new words. When I say lots, I mean it. LOTS. Actually, I've been focusing in one word. You know what it is? IRRITATED. Would you like it if I use it in a sentence? Here goes... I am VERY irritated. I am, I am, I am! Please don't ask why. Well, I, myself, don't know, too, as a matter of fact. I am just irritated. Sounds dumb, right? Well, if you knew my reason, maybe your tops would be blowing off, too.

I'm just really IRRITATED! Oh. I want to stop using that word. It doesn't really sound good. Err?

I'll give you a piece of what I learned from the thesaurus. I, now, have a lot of things to mention except for that one, OVERUSED word.

Affronted [I like this one.]. Annoyed [This one's too common.]. Antagonized [Sounds morbid.]. Bitter [Bitter gourd? Haha! This is ampalaya in our vernacular, fellow Filipinos.]. Chafed [Sounds like food. Haha!]. Choleric [Sickness, eh? Haha!]. Convulsed [This one's funny!]. Cross. [Way too familiar.]. Displeased [I am, right now.]. Enraged [Knew this well.]. Exacerbated [It's like 'killed', haha, oh well.]. Exasperated [Personally, I thought this meant 'tired'.]. Ferocious [Get out of the way! I-would-eat-you word of the day. Haha!]. Fierce [Sound too 'animalistic'. No offense!]. Fiery [Fire in the hole! Haha!]. Fuming [Familiar.]. Furious [Yup, I am.]. Galled [I'm missing Sir Gally.]. Hateful [Not really, I guess.]. Heated [Of course, it's SUMMER! Kidding!]. Hot [Whaaat?! Haha!]. Huffy [I've got to admit, this one's cute!]. Ill-tempered [I am, with all due respect. LOL!]. Impassioned [What is this?!]. Incensed [Is this the smoke-like thing?]. Indignant [Sounds like digging. Haha!]. Inflamed [Wait, does this mean I'm in flames? Haha!]. Infuriated [This one's nice.]. Irascible [I like this one, too.]. Irate [This one's too short. *laughs*]. Irritable [Perfect word to describe me, NOW.]. Maddened [x(]. Nettled [This one's too tongue-tying. Hey, is there such a word?]. Offended [Surely.]. Outraged [~x(]. Passionate [Hey, a while ago, there's an 'impassioned', now there's PASSIONATE?! Haha! Ironic.]. Piqued [My personal favorite! Hihi!]. Provoked [I am, so much!! :|]. Raging [RED!]. Resentful [I ONLY resent people who are not worthy of me.]. Riled [Too short.]. Sore [It's painful. IT ACHES.]. Splenetic [It rhymes with 'LUNATIC'!! Haha!]. Storming [I'll be. Haha! Kidding!]. Sulky [Sort of!]. Sullen [Argh! I didn't know this word has too many synonyms! Haha!]. Tumultuous [So many U's! Haha!]. Turbulent [Sounds morbid, too!]. Uptight [Well, not really.]. Vexed [Too short, AGAIN!]. Wrathful [Haha! Sounds like 'fighting'. LOL!].

That's all there is. The source, anyway, is http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/irritated. Haha!

Thanks to the Thesaurus, I feel much better now. :)

Summer Breeze

It's currently 11:31 pm in the computer's clock and as usual, I have been showing no signs of tiresomeness, sleepiness or whatsoever. Haha.

Yesterday, we've been to Tita Marlyn's place in Malvar. We slept there. We had SO MUCH fun! We did a lot of things. We sang, we swam, we played. Of course, we enjoyed. It was really relaxing there. It was really good for me to relax and have peace of mind amidst the tension and pressure that I carry on my back these past few weeks. We stayed there until this afternoon. All day, I was bugging Tita Marlyn about giving me a prize for being a gold medalist. [I played hard, really hard, this year.] Haha! She told me she will, tomorrow. Haha! I'm so excited. [Tita Marlyn gives the best prizes.] :)

Okay, so, now, I am currently having MIXED emotions about tomorrow's event. I really don't mind telling you. Tomorrow will be the Honors' Assembly Day. I forgot to mention, we had our Card Giving last April 10. Anyway, tomorrow will be the big day. I'm sad, excited, scared, nervous, and REALLY HAPPY. I'll see a couple of my friends tomorrow. I can't wait to see and hug all of them! We all did great and I'm really proud of all of us! I'm happy because all the hard work will bear fruit tomorrow. I had been suffering for a ten-month span of time handling all problems, obstacles, and hardships co-related to schooling or if ever - personal. Haha! Kidding. Anyway, this is actually true - without the exaggeration. :P I had been struggling to attain whatever I have in my mind - to be a gold medalist for this school year. I can say that I really worked hard for it. I sacrificed a lot, but, on the rough road, I have learned too much. I'm really happy, not only for myself - furthermore, for my classmates and friends; for their hard work is now reaping for their rightful rewards. I'm also sad. This might be kind of weird but, I'm sad, because I'd be leaving behind my JLC years and move on to SLC life. It would be really harder, I guess. Not only that, but, I do think that tomorrow will be the last day I'll be wearing my Level 7 uniform. I'll never forget all my memories with it. :( I'm excited, too. You know why? It is because I know that tomorrow will be a really great day for me and for others because after months of hard time, we'll actually leave behind everything and relax for the summer. :) As for that, I'm also scared and nervous. Oh well, I know tomorrow will be great but I can't help to feel a bit spice of tension. What if I trip and fall over with all the people seeing me? The thought of it sends shivers to my spines! On second thought, I'm thinking how can I be that embarassed? Come on, Clarisa! You have been doing this for almost a decade, where could it go wrong? I'm just crossing my fingers that everything will be as it should be tomorrow.

The title, might be, on your part, too far from the body of my message. So now, I would politely and clearly explain it. I've been bored and I want to do new things. So guys, if ever you stumble upon my blog and read this, do you know far get-aways that wouldn't cost that much? I can feel the breeze of summer!

Now, I think, I'm HAPPY but I can never deny the fact that the pain, aches, and tears will be my companions until I breathe my last.

Endless Thank You's

This morning, when I woke up, I felt different. I was happy. I was UNUSUALLY happy. I don't know why, but, I just do. Maybe, it is because of the presence of my friends. My friends have been there to cheer me up and make me smile all through out. I don't know how to thank them. Anyway, I have too much time, so, I guess I'll be dediacting this post to them.

To Danielle - You have been there all the time. You never complained when I called you in the wee hours of the night. You have made me laugh and smile through my tears. You have given me good advice and you took care of me. You have been very understanding and you have never failed to listen to even the unimportant details if I tell stories to you about him. Thank you very much. You're the best. ;)

To Shina - You have been there to point out to me that life isn't all about him. Thanks to you, now, I find myself starting to become my old self again. Thanks for the comforting words when we talk about him.

To Jessa, Thessa, and Jane - Guys, I know you know only a little about this problem but still, you have made me really happy last March 26. Jessa, you have made me forget everything just for one day. Thessa, you have made me laugh when you fell in the pool. :P Lastly, Jane, even though you were not there, you did not forget to message me if I am okay. Thanks guys. Thanks, thanks.

To Lulu, Feliza, Patricia, and Aimee - I never lost communication with you, guys, you were with me along the rough road, you have made me smile. You never lost hope that I'll be happy soon. You believed in me. Also, thanks for hugging me each time I need someone. Thank you so much! Thanks for all the help you have given me.

To CJ - You have been really understanding, too. You have understood me really well and you, too, believed that I can move on. You made me realize things. You have cleared out the blurry things in my life so that I can see them well. Thank you.

To Margret and Sharmaine - To these two people, who have made me think of other things so that for just one moment, I can forget about the pain and aches, thank you. Sharmaine, thanks for referring me to a girl like Bella. ;) Marge, thanks for offering me time to talk to you if I am sad.

To Marianne and Patty - To these two, for giving me strength to look upon the future and forget about the past, thanks for turning dull moments into happy ones to make me smile. Thanks for the support.

To Paoline - Thanks BTF! You have been really willing to spend your time that one sad afternoon just to dry my tears and give me a lecture about the revolution and rotation. I really appreciated that, thank you!

To Cristelle and Dana Lee - You guys helped me in moving on and forgetting about him. Thanks for sharing your problems with me too, because, in that way, I forgot my problems and prioritized yours first. Thanks guys.

To Meng - Thanks for making me feel better everytime we talk. You never fail to make me feel better. You have been really supportive and you give really good advice. I hope you'll stay the same. Thanks little sister.

To Audrey - I know we had been through really tough times, but still, you helped me on this one. Thanks for making me realize how blessed I am even without him. Thanks for helping me forget about it, for making me feel happy when you tell me stories about you and *him*. Haha, thank you very much!

To BLUE ARCHERS - To all of you, even though all of you seem not to know about this, you have been a part of my inspiration to move on and forget the past. Thank you also for the fun times last March 26. You made me enjoy our class outing. I love you, guys! Thank you so much!
To Kim, Althessa, Charlene, Charrizze, and Krizia - Thanks guys. You have been really knowledgeable of what had happened between the two of us. You were there to make me feel okay. Thank you.

To Tricia and Ella - You have just been my friends lately but I do trust you and I can't thank you much for trying to mend our broken relationship together, but, it just doesn't seem to be right. I think things would definitely work out for the two of us. Thank you so much anyway!

To Mico, Allen, Ralph, Brian, and Lenver - To Mico and Allen, thank you for your endless support and your countless attempts of making me happy. Thank you, 'cause even though you are good friends with him, you still gave me time to clear things out. Thank you. To Ralph, who has been there to help me stop crying every night, thank you. To Lenver and Brian, who have been there to make me smile and forget about it, I appreciate it. Thanks to all of you.

To Kathleen and Richard - Thanks for accompanying me last night. Thanks for doing your very best just to turn my sad smileys in my messages into happy ones. I appreciate it. Thanks.

To Ate Joy and Ate Shalie - Thanks for treating me your little sister and spending time with me just to help me get my broken heart fixed. Thanks for all the help. You have done too much for me. Thanks for everything.

To Maia - I know I have never seen you in person but you sure do help me a lot. You try to make me smile even though I refuse to. You are a really good person. I hope I can meet you soon. Thanks!

To Ian and Ashley - You have been helping me get over him. You have been really supportive to me and to my decisions. I don't know how can I thank you. Thanks Ian and Ash.

To all those who have not been mentioned - I love you guys, thanks for all the help. Now, I am moving on. ^_^

I'll be okay. [The Endless Motto]

Yay! I finally know how to change the time in my posts. Thanks Margret! I love you! Anyway, the title, it is self-explanatory. I don't know why I always answer that to people who ask me if I'm fine of how's life to me. I just can't seem to know why but I always do. You know, I have actually been denying that I'm sad to people who know I am. Pathetic, isn't it? I know. Today is the 6th of April, meaning to say, I have been officially not myself for whooping 23 days. How crazy is that? People have been telling me how much I have been affected by what happened last March 14, 2008. Don't bother to ask, or else, tears will threaten to pour. As a matter of fact, I am affected, but, what can I do? I just do hope that those people who think I'm okay doesn't stumble to my blog and read this. You know what, I can't be a prisoner forever. As what my two sisters namely Danielle and Rishina say, I need to find my happiness and let go of him. Oh well...

Haha, anyway, I have been making myself busy although I most certainly am not. I'm just making the most out of my summer. The Card Giving Day is fast approaching. It makes me nervous and excited all at the same time. I just can't wait to see and know how did I perform in the last stretch of my freshman life. I sure do hope I did well. I'm excited, too. I'm excited to meet my friends and teachers. I defenitely am sure that many things have changed. Oh well...

Look at this:


I did that one boring night. I can't believe I have been disobeying Danielle. She reminded me to stop writing on my hands because it can trigger cancer. Haha, peace out, Dani! ^_^ That's all for now. =)

Wet keyboard.

I just had a really bad mornight. *Sorry for using it, it's just my own word.* Actually, if you might be reading the time this was posted, you'd be wondering why it's not a "mornight" when I posted this. Actually, I don't know how can I change the time here. I think it's the US time. Now, it's 2:16 in the morning and I have not been showing any signs of sleepiness and tiresomeness. Is there such a word? Haha. Oh well, I hope you don't mind reading the rest of this. I just got really pissed off and all I can do now is write, write, write... so, here goes...

I was actually enjoying my time BEFORE it happened. I actually cried! I just can't believe it! All my efforts have gone down to the drain. What the darn [This is an intejection, not a form of any arrogance.] is happening to me?! Okay, I was REALLY MAD AT MYSELF FOR SIGNING IN!! I actually signed in in YM! I can't believe it, and, as life is harsh at times, he's actually online, too. So, casual conversation! He even mentioned that I wasn't talking to him for a while. Good thing he noticed it! Oh, and if by chance you read this, please, I'm begging, please just go away. Turn your back from me. Please face the other way. Okay, back to the topic. He asked me if I was fine, how is life, how's love treating me. Oh well, I would have probably guessed that he's too NUMB! Actually, I was smiling all the time, in our IMs, but I WAS CRYING!! I WAS!! I WAS!! This is so not me. I should have not cried if he didn't talk to me. My life could've been normal! Look what he did, he made me start all over again. I can't really blame him. I don't know! Is it my fault? Is it my fault that something inside me has still a something for you? IS IT? TELL ME! Please... I want a normal life. I want to forget everything between us. I want to move on, I want to have new and fresh starts and beginnings, but, to be honest, I mean, to be really honest, and no hard feelings, how could I? How could I if you're there, how could I if we still have communication? I don't know what to do... what the heck. I think my brain is already misfunctioning.

I just want to get over him. Is that too much to ask? IS THAT? :(